Twilight Princess: Journey to High School?
by Zeldalover84
Summary: After Link defeats Ganondorf and restores peace to Hyrule he returns to...high school? Wtf? Join Link on this odd journey through the teen life. Somewhat modern. LinkXIlia
1. Meeting the Twin Terrors

I was bored and I figured that a high school story might be a good idea for Zelda. Someone might have already done this, but I wouldn't know, because it's not on the first few pages of FanFiction. This is based on Twilight Princess, by the way. Hope you enjoy!

Kate :)

Disclaimer: If I owned this game I'd be making another super awesome Zelda game, not wasting my time on FanFiction...what do you think?

Ilia sighed as she walked down the little country road that took her to her house. Link hadn't talked to her in a week. He hadn't talked to her that much since he had become "popular". He'd saved Hyrule and now he was considered the number one bachelor of Ordon High School. He used to be her best friend and now he just ditched her. What was up with that? She shivered in the chilly autumn air and she suddenly felt warm strong arms wrap around her. Link. She turned and glowered at him but he just shrugged, giving a sheepish grin.

"You looked cold." Ilia rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm mad at you, for your information." He cocked his head to the side, and his blue eyes were filled with confusion. He looked like some sort of lost puppy.

"You haven't talked to me in a week!" she snapped at him. He looked down guiltily.

"I tried, I swear! You had to have seen me trying to walk over to you at least once!" he defended. It was true, she had, but Zelda or one of his fan girls usually dragged him off.

"I guess I did. But you only wanted to hang out with your little fan girls." He looked at her in amazement. He kept this up for 30 seconds before she finally asked, "What?!" He kept staring at her. He finally shook his head and laughed. It only fueled her anger. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at him. It was an amusing sight to see. Link was about 6'1" while she was only 5'5".

"You seriously think that?!" he finally asked after he'd finally stopped laughing. "I can't stand them! Every single time I walk by they scream 'Mr. Star!' or some other disturbing things I'd rather not mention. It gets annoying. Especially when they chase me all around the school when a dance comes up, trying to get me to go out with them." He shivered at the memories of it. Ilia remembered him running around the school screaming 'They're coming for me!' and 'the Apocalypse is near!'. She would've laughed if she wasn't still fuming at him.

"You could've called me." She stated, still glaring at him.

"My mom took my phone privileges!" When she gave him the 'yeah, right' look, he said, "I swear! You can ask her. I can't have the phone back until tomorrow!" Ilia kind of believed that. Link's foster mom was very strict, and she usually took stuff away for the craziest reasons.

"What'd you do?" she finally asked. She couldn't stay mad at him, even if she tried really hard. His face cracked into a grin. He was victorious!

"You know my psycho aunt, Libby?" after she nodded, he continued. "Do you remember her satanic pet cuccoo?"

"Fluffy?" she verified, her eyes wide.

"Yep. Well, Fluffy was really getting on my nerves one day because he kept pecking my foot, so I threw him out the window." Ilia started laughing extremely hard.

"You threw Fluffy out the window?! Do you have a death wish or something?!" she managed to ask in amazement. "I'm surprised Libby didn't murder you right then and there! I wish I could've been there. This is awesome." She wiped a tear from her eye. Link pouted.

"Not really. It sucks. My mom doesn't understand that Cuccoos can fly. She was cooing over Fluffy, saying how he was such a poor baby and that I would pay for the horrible treatment I had given to him. So she grounded me for a week. I can't go over to anyone's house or call anyone. It's torture. But seriously, who has a cuccoo for a pet in the first place? They're retarded. I could've sworn Fluffy was smirking at me or something when my mom grounded me. It was creepy." Ilia rolled her eyes at this.

"Fluffy can't smirk. He has a beak." She said slowly, like she was explaining this to a 3 year old.

"I said 'or something'. It _seemed _like he was smirking or something. Is that better?"

"I guess." She admitted grudgingly.

"Good. Now that you've heard my pitiful excuses, are you still mad at me?" he gave her the puppy eyes. He was so cute when he did that.

"I guess not." She muttered. He gave a happy yelp and picked her up off the ground in a giant bear hug. "Can't…breath…down boy…" Link plopped her down in the grass and grinned.

"Happy now?" he said slyly.

"You're going to pay for that." She scrambled up and chased after him. He may be the Hero of Time, but she could still beat him in any race. She ran and leaped up on his back, trying to push him down. She finally succeeded and they both tumbled down into a ditch, both covered in leaves and twigs. Somehow Link had ended up landing on top of Ilia, pinning her to the ground.

"So I still won." He stated, smirking. She grinned mischievously telling him that it wasn't over. She went limp for a few seconds and when he started to relax she blew in his face, startling him, and rolled over, then pinned him against the ground.

"No you didn't." she replied back. She had to smirk when she saw his amazed face. Then he grinned.

"Okay, I'll admit defeat, but only because I kind of like having you on top of me." Her eyes widened and she scrambled off of him as fast as she could, mumbling something along the lines of 'perverted weirdo'. He laughed as he pushed himself up.

"I was kidding! Jeez. It's the best way to get someone to give up. Saying something that makes them uncomfortable." Link explained, still laughing.

"Yeah, sure…so you just told Ganondorf that he looked hot in his tight armor and he stabbed himself?" Ilia asked dryly.

"Yeah, something like that I think. Or I might've actually fought him myself in an awesome one on one sword battle and I defeated him in the end."

"To tell you the truth, the first one is actually more believable. I mean if you hit on me, I'd probably stab myself, too." Link raised his eyebrows suggestively at that.

"Oh, really? Ilia, you know you can't resist my sexiness." He mockingly growled, trying to do some weird dance thing that was supposed to be desirable.

"Wow…you've succeeded in looking like you have a nest of ants shoved up your---"

"Ilia, you know you shouldn't say naughty potty words," Link interrupted, using a gay voice.

"And you shouldn't mock gay people." She retorted.

"Are you going pro-fag on me, Ilia?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips and giving her a look.

"No, but some people might take offense to it."

"Like who?"

"Like the little gay postman." She said, as if that was the most obvious answer ever, which it kind of was. A look of realization dawned on his face.

"Oh." He stated simply. "Well, shall we get going? It's probably 4:00 by now." When he said that, a look of horror crossed Ilia's face.

"Oh, shoot! I have to be home by four!" she ran up the hill and grabbed her book bag, which had been thrown to the ground in the scramble of things. She took her cell phone, an enV2, and looked at the time. It was 3:50.

"Crap, crap, crap! It takes 20 minutes to get to my house!" Link came up behind her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Breathe, Ilia, breathe. You're not going to die. Just tell your dad that you had to finish up some stuff at school. But I know a way to get there faster, okay. Follow me." Link led her into a thickly wooded area. All the reds, oranges, yellows, and browns made it look beautiful.

"Okay, so the scenery's great, but how do we get home on time?" she asked dully. Link grabbed her hand and dragged her through.

"Just come on. It should be around here some--- ah! There it is!" He pointed to a normal patch of dirt wall sprinkles in leaves.

"Wow, amazing. You found a wall." She commented dryly. He smiled and shook his head.

"Not any wall. A camouflaged tunnel entrance!" He walked over and placed his hand on the wall. "Maybe this isn't it…what about here?…Nope, not it either. Okay, this has to be---never mind. Where is it?!" He yelled in frustration. Ilia sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. Then she saw a place a few feet down on the wall with the Triforce insignia on it. She walked over and pressed her palm against it. It slid open silently.

"I found it, Link!" she called to him. He whipped his head up quickly and smacked his head on a ledge that was sticking out.

"Ouch…oh! You found it!" he exclaimed, rubbing his head.

"Yeah…that's what I just said…" she explained to him slowly.

"Oh…well, look at this! You can just crawl through here and you end up in the Ordon Spring. Now you don't have to walk all the way around those cliffs. You can go first if you want." He offered.

"I guess…" Ilia crouched down and wriggled into the small tunnel. Link went in just behind her, and the hidden door slid shut. She started crawling along the tunnel and she heard Link wolf-whistle behind her.

"Man, the view's amazing from here!" he exclaimed stupidly. Ilia kicked her foot back, hitting him square in the face.

"What was that for?" he pouted, rubbing his nose. Ilia rolled her eyes.

"When I'm trapped in a tunnel with my feet in front of you, and you're staring at my butt, you don't say it out loud. It's a guarantee that you're going to kicked in the face."

"I guess you're right." He admitted. "But I totally wasn't being serious. I just wanted to see what you'd do. And I found out…painfully. Remind me never to go behind you in a closed space." He added as an afterthought. They kept crawling along, and sure enough, in about 3 minutes, they were in Ordon Spring, which was usually a 15 minute trip if you walked along the road.

"Thanks for showing me that, Link." She said sincerely. "I probably would've been eaten alive by my dad if you hadn't." He grinned at her.

"Thanks for showing me _that._" He nodded in the direction of her rear end. Her smile faded.

"Boundaries, Link. You're on dangerous territory." She reminded him menacingly.

"I know, I know. I just thought it'd be funny. But I really don't want to be kicked in the face again."

"Oh, my foot's not going to go to your face this time. It's going to go somewhere much more sensitive." She grinned evilly. His smile was the one to disappear this time.

"Yeah…I'll have to be more careful with my suggestive comments…" he said, watching her to make sure she didn't try anything.

"I'll let you off the hook this time, since you showed me a secret tunnel. But next time…"

"Okay. Hey, you wanna race to your house?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Sure, but you're going to get destroyed."

"I don't know about that. Running around Hyrule makes you faster." He reminded her.

"Whatever. On your mark, get set, GO!" she yelled, and they ran off towards the town. They sped past Link's tree house, past the shop, across the river, and they pulled up next to each other at her house, panting.

"Tie. Oh, well. I'll see you around." He waved goodbye and took off towards his foster house, which was over by Rusl and Uli's house. Ilia smiled and shook her head. Her best friend really was an idiot.


	2. Dissections and Realizations

So…here's the second chapter of my new story, Journey to High School. I hope you enjoy! (BTW the random letters are borderlines because my Word is messed up and won't use borderlines)

Kate :)

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Ilia opened her eyes sluggishly when her alarm clock blared at her. It read 6:45. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, then pulled the covers off of her and climbed out of bed in her snowflake covered green pajama pants and black T-shirt. She went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Her hair looked like a rat's nest. She tried to brush it but ended up getting the brush stuck. After she finally, and quite painfully, dissected it, she turned the hot water in the shower on full blast and climbed in, adding some cold water as she got in to the now boiling H2O. After she took a quick and refreshing 5 minute shower, she clambered out and dried off. Then she pulled on some ripped jeans, a green and white striped Henley, and put on some matching green and white striped socks. She ran downstairs, ate a bowl of Lucky Charms (They're magically delicious!) and brushed her teeth. Since her hair was dry now, she pulled it up into a messy bun, then slipped on her Drexlite Sherry clogs and ran out the door, grabbing her bag and cell phone on the way.

When Ilia was walking to school that morning when she heard a sound, like a sneeze. She whipped around and saw Link standing behind her, one arm over his nose and mouth from when he sneezed. He had one leg that was up with his foot pointing downward, like he was doing the weird Grinch thing when he crept up on people. He had a look of a child who was just caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar, and he was frozen in place. Ilia waited there looking at him until he finally lost his balance and fell to the ground. She smirked.

"Nice one, Link." She told him. He got up, wiped himself off, and grinned, flipping the hair out of his eyes.

"I know. It was absolutely brilliant. I was walking behind you for like 2 miles, but then I had to sneeze really, really bad. I was hoping you wouldn't hear me, but no such luck."

"You know that's not possible. You sound like a one-man fanfare when you sneeze. Or a stampede of elephants." He rolled his eyes at her.

"At least I don't sound like Pikachu when he says his name. Peek-a-choo!" he imitated. Ilia slapped him on the arm.

"Shut up." She berated. He beamed at her.

"You started it." She put her hands on her hips and he stuck his tongue out at her.

"You're acting like a five year old." She turned and started to walk away.

"I know." He cracked another grin and trotted after her. He was like a little lost puppy. "So, what classes do you have today?" He asked.

"I have AP Chemistry for 1st period, Biology for second, Algebra for third, Language Arts for fourth, and World Geography as fifth and sixth. With Home Economics and Phys. Ed as specials. Fun." She said sarcastically.

"Wow…how do you memorize that? Anyway…I share Biology, Language Arts, World Geography, and both specials with you. Hooray! We annoy the crap out of Mr. Johnson together! That'd be fun…" his faced blanked out and he got a dreamy look in his eyes. Ilia slapped him on the arm. Their World Geography teacher was this old guy with a badly styled toupee and a pudgy, blotchy face. It was so much fun to pick on him.

"Link…you know we shouldn't be too harsh on him. You know what happened last time." She cautioned playfully. His face turned to pure amusement.

"Yep. You got me detention." He smiled ruefully.

"Hey, you deserved it. You've gotten me detention like 30 times." She pointed out to him.

"True…but it was only 29!" he protested jokingly. She lightly punched him in the arm.

"Whatever. We're going to be late." She voiced to him, but he just shook his head.

"Nah…we're about five minutes away." She looked up, and realized he was right. She could she the shape of the school in the distance. It was only a couple of miles, at most. They didn't talk the rest of the way to school, just walked side by side.

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Ilia nearly jumped for joy when the bell rang, ending first period. Mr. Lutyens had droned on and on about the melting point of palladium. Seriously, how many things can you think up for one little subject? She grabbed her books and agenda and headed towards her locker. Link was there, waiting for her.

"You take forever." He told her when she got there. She just rolled her eyes and opened her locker. She stuffed her books in and grabbed everything she needed for Biology. Link opened his locker really quick and grabbed some extra paper.

"What's that for?" she asked, indicating to the paper. He shrugged.

"I'm going to be writing a lot of notes to you." He explained simply.

"You know we're lab partners, right? We can use this amazing ability formed by the human species called _speech._ Amazing, huh?" she said sarcastically. But his eyes widened at the first part.

"We're lab partners?" he asked.

"Yeah…remember? Mrs. Long told us in class yesterday. That one Marissa girl who's in love with you about died from jealousy." She reminded him. His face looked confused for a moment and then it cleared up.

"That was the day I pretended I had explosive diarrhea to get out of Algebra so I missed that class." He recalled. A look of realization dawned on her face.

"Oh yeah. You paid me 10 bucks to come up with something that could get you out of class. I would've done it without the money though. It was hilarious." A grim smile came over his face.

"Yeah, I remember that. You said I was farting and it smelled like your dad when you're stuck with him in an enclosed space after he just ate fried cuccoo with gravy and potato chips. You mentioned that it was a sign of a very painful disease commonly caused by the school cafeteria food." He recollected. "Very convincing. I think it was just because Ms. Burns just didn't want to smell it, even though it wasn't real. But she can't take the risk of ruining her lovely burnt ladybug scent."

"That she can't." Ilia agreed. She slammed her locker shut and stuck out her free arm. "Shall we?" He nodded, hooked his arm with hers, and they headed towards class.

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Link squealed and covered his face with his hands. He was crouched up in his chair, as far away from the table as possible. He moved one finger to look at Ilia.

"You get the liver! I'm not touching that thing!" he yelled in a shrill voice. Ilia rolled her eyes at him. They were dissecting a frog that week and Link was absolutely terrified of it.

"You sound like a little girl. Just get it! I got the heart and kidney out." He squealed again and shook his head.

"No! It's gross!" he squawked. Ilia grabbed his neck from behind and shoved his head towards it. He shrieked and struggled to get away, but to no avail. He closed his eyes, turned his head, and held his breath.

"You've fought things worse than a dead frog. Get the f*** over it." She commanded. He pulled away and picked up the tweezers. He then closed his eyes, reached towards the liver, lifted it, and discarded it quickly on the sheet that held other various amphibian body parts.

"See?" she told him. "Not that hard." He nodded and took a long breath.

"Okay. It won't hurt me. But it's still disgusting." He gave it a revolting look and pretended to gag.

"Link, grow up and be a man." Link sniffed disdainfully at this and stuck his nose up in the air.

"I'm more manly than you." He declared to her.

"That's because you're male and I'm female. Technically, I can't be a man." She explained to him. "But I'm starting to doubt that. If you were a man then you wouldn't be making noises that sound like Minnie Mouse and you wouldn't be shaking in fright from a dead frog." He stuck his tongue out at her. She smacked him over the head. "Just fill out the paper for goddesses sake." He gave her a cheeky grin and started working on the report. Ilia sighed and shook her head in amusement. Some things never changed.

The rest of the day passed pretty much uneventfully. Link threw a few wads of paper at Mr. Johnson in World Geography, but other than that, they didn't get in too much trouble. Though Ilia did almost get caught tackling Link in a game of basketball during Phys. Ed. After they had finished changing back into their jeans, Ilia and Link met outside of the school. As they were about to head off towards home a very curvy brunette wearing a short skirt, low cut shirt, and high heels ran over to them. She glanced at Ilia in disgust and then smiled sweetly at Link.

"You wanna go out with me?" she asked in a sugarcoated voice. Link's face turned red as he tried to think of a way to let her down gently.

"I…uh…I don't…" he started to stutter but she cut him off.

"Okay! I'll see you tomorrow night at 7:30 at that romantic outside restaurant in Castle Town. You know Hylian Wonders? Okay, see ya then!" she smiled brightly, winked and skipped off. Link stared at her, his jaw dropped, until she finally went out of sight.

"I am not going out with her!" he cried indignantly as he stuck his hands on his hips. He puffed out a short, disgruntled breath. "I won't go." He declared stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. Ilia laughed at the sight.

"Come on, Link, it's not polite to ditch your date, you know." She pointed out to him.

"But I didn't agree to go out with her! She just assumed!" he exclaimed huffily.

"I don't know, she's pretty. I could see you two together." She pretended to ponder it. "Yeah, definitely. It could work."

"No it couldn't. One, I don't like brunettes. Two, I don't like fat people. Three, I don't like sluts. Four, I don't like bimbos. Five—"

"Link, you know that's not nice. And she's not fat, she's…fluffy. And just because she dresses like a prostitute it doesn't make her a slut. And the bimbo part…I might have to agree with you there." She admitted reluctantly. Personally, she hated that girl, but it was funny to see Link angry like this.

"I don't even know her name!" he tried again to find a good excuse.

"It's Marissa." She told him.

"Well…I…fine! I'll go out with her! Gods…" he muttered darkly to himself. Ilia couldn't help but laugh. "Shut up!" he growled. He stalked away from her moodily. She snickered again and ran to catch up with him.

"I was just messing with you. If you want to escape your mother you can come over to my house and join us for dinner tonight. My dad misses." She offered. He shrugged her off like he was still angry at her but then he turned around and gave a sigh of relief.

"Thank gods. I don't think I could stand my foster mom any longer even if I tried. She's so…ugh." He shivered in disgust.

"I think I got your point."

"Yeah. But I don't think my mom will care if I go. She loves you. She thinks you're like her lost daughter or something. I'll ask her. Hey, wanna race? I bet I'll beat you this time." He challenged. She grinned evilly.

"Bring it on. But if you lose, you have to go and tell my dad that you had sex with me." Link's eyes almost popped out of his head at this dare.

"Okay. But if you lose, you have to tell my mom that you think she's an uptight female dog. But the other word for it." He gave a devious smile.

"You're on. Okay, on your mark, get set, GO!" she screamed and they both took off a breakneck paces. Link soon tired and fell a little behind. Sensing this weakness, Ilia gave one last burst of speed and reached her house in just under 7 minutes. Link caught up to her in a couple of seconds.

"I'm," he started, but had to catch his breath. Finally, after half a minute he finished. "screwed." Ilia grinned. This was going to be a show.

"Okay. Go ask your mom if you can come over. If she says yes, you have to tell my dad at dinner tonight. If she says no, you have to sneak outside somehow, come over to my house, and tell my dad. So you're dead either way." He glared at her, then sighed in defeat.

"Fine." He trudged home slowly. He asked his mom, and she said yes. He then walked even slower back to Ilia's house. She smiled widely when she saw him. She held her arm out to the door.

"After you, my doomed friend." He gave a wry smile and walked inside. Ilia shut the door and locked it behind her. He finally dragged himself over to where Mayor Bo was standing.

"Hey, Mayor, I need to tell you something. I…" he started, but faltered. Ilia came up behind him and put a hand comfortingly on his arm.

"Link, it's okay. He needs to know." She encouraged solemnly. Inside, though, she was dying of laughter.

"Bo…I slept with your daughter." He finally uttered out. He braced himself for whatever was coming but instead he just heard Bo give a long, booming laugh. He clapped a hand on Link's shoulder.

"Finally! I didn't think you had to the guts to get her done! I guess I was wrong!" Ilia's once smug face was now written over with shock and horror. Link's looked the same as hers.

"Uh…Bo…I was joking. I wouldn't really have sex with Ilia." Bo's once laughing face turned solemn as he realized what he had said. "It was a stupid prank."

"Oh. Well, that's good. I would've beaten the living…something…out of you if you had. Don't ever think about touching my little girl." He tried to be fierce but the effect was ruined by his faltering voice and beet red face.

"Okay. Can we do something now? Ilia invited me over." Bo's face cracked into a smile when Link said that.

"Of course, my boy! Where've you been anyway? I haven't seen you in a while." Bo's expression turned into suspicion.

"Uh…busy." Link lied. He felt bad that he hadn't come over in a while.

"Oh…okay. Want to sumo wrestle? We haven't done that since I told you the secret. But you can't use the secret, of course. It wouldn't be fair. And Ilia hasn't seen us wrestle yet." Bo suggested. Ilia grimaced.

"Yeah…dad, I really don't want to see you guys in thongs you know." She pointed out to him.

"Oh yeah. I'll wear my shorts and Link wouldn't ever wear a thong, so you don't have to worry about that. But let's get ready!" he clapped his hands together in excitement and ushered Link over to his room to get ready for the match. Ilia sighed in defeat and walked down the ring. She sat down on one of the bleachers. She waited for a couple of minutes and then her dad walked in, wearing only his brown leather shorts. He got in position on the ring. Ilia waited to see Link walk in, and when she did, she gasped. He wasn't wearing a shirt and all he had on was his baggy brown Capri type pants. He looked…_hot._ She had always thought him good-looking and she had loved him forever, but just as a good friend. Never in _that _way. She shook her head. _No, Ilia, he's your best friend. Nothing else, and he never will be. Don't even think about thinking about that. It would be weird._ But she couldn't help thinking about it when he walked in. His arms and chest were incredibly toned. Not bulky, just slender and muscular. _No, you will not think about this! _She commanded herself sternly. Her mind snapped back to attention as she saw them begin. Her father lifted his foot high, then stomped, making a loud thud. Link copied him, but his thud wasn't quite as tremendous. Then they fought. Bo tried to punch at Link, but Link ducked, sidestepped, and grabbed him, shoving him almost to the edge of the ring. Link tried to grab him, but Bo was ready and hit him in the face, stunning him. He grabbed him and brought him a few steps back. Then Link sidestepped twice, with Bo matching perfectly. But Link was ready. As Bo reached for him he hit him in the face and grabbed him, shoving out of the arena. Link smirked and wiped off his hands clenching his fists. Then he relaxed and climbed down to help Bo up.

"Still can't beat you, my boy. Ah well. I'm going to go change. You should freshen up a bit, too." He advised. Link shrugged and headed out the door towards the spring. Ilia walked along with him.

"So you beat my dad at sumo wrestling. I'm surprised. No offense, though. I'm just saying that my dad weighs about 3 times as much as you." Ilia said, impressed.

"Yeah, that's just because I'm super buff." He flexed his arms, and it made all of his muscles ripple.

"That's kind of creepy and oddly disturbing that you can do that." She told him. _And attractive _a voice said in her head. _Shut up!_ She told it. But her conscience kept having mind battles with itself. Link looked at her in concern. Her petite little nose was scrunched up in frustration, her eyebrows were knitted together, and her mouth was scrunched up in a frown.

"Hey, Ills? You alive in there?" he waved his hand in front of her face and she snapped back to reality.

"Sorry. I just blanked out there for a moment." She tried to explain. He just looked confused when she did.

"Okay…well, anyway, how is it creepy that I can do that?"

"I don't know. It just is." She said simply. He just shrugged and then stretched, yawning.

"Sorry about that. Just wanted to show off some more of my awesome buffness." He bragged. Ilia rolled her eyes.

"Is this half-naked thing a new style for you?" she asked. He pretended to wipe some dust off of his chest and acted like he was checking himself out in a mirror.

"I don't know. I kind of like it. You think it looks good on me?" he asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. "I think it'd look pretty good on you, too, if you tried it out."

"Link…" she started dangerously. "Remember that talk we had the other day about inappropriate comments? I think this is one of those situations." She smiled sweetly at him. His grin faded and he skittered out of her kicking range. She reached over and patted his arm. "Good boy." They arrived at the spring and Link went over and started splashing some water on his face. When he wasn't looking, Ilia crept over and dunked his head in the water. He got up quickly and turned to face her. He glared at her angrily. She grinned. Then he pretended to give up, and he slumped his shoulders.

"Since you didn't kick me, I guess I'll let it pass." He sighed. Ilia smiled widely and relaxed. He wasn't going to do anything to her. She let her guard down to look at some flowers that were still in fully bloom. This was Link's chance. He ran over to her silently and grabbed her. She let out an earsplitting screech but it didn't deter him. He slung her over his shoulder and deposited her in the water. She crossed her arms over her chest and glowered at him, soaking wet. He couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm going to get you!" she yelled. She scrambled up and chased after him. He dodged her when she lunged but she was still too quick. She went up behind him and jumped on his back, trying to push him down. She gave him a noogie and he grabbed her legs behind her knees and leaned back, making her fall backwards, but he held her so that she didn't completely topple off of him. She regained her balance and grabbed his shoulders, pulling herself up. They were laughing now, and they didn't hear the click of a camera coming from the woods. Link finally fell over into the water, Ilia going down with him. They just lay there for a few minutes, laughing.

"Ah… I missed that." Link sighed contentedly. "We haven't had a good old-fashioned water fight in years."

"Yeah. That was fun." Ilia agreed. "We should probably get going to dinner before my dad gets worried. I can't believe how that dare turned out, though. I was waiting for him to pound you within an inch of your life, but he just _laughed._ What kind of father does that?" Link shrugged.

"Yours, I guess."

"Whatever. Let's get going." She heaved herself up and walked back to her house, Link in tow.

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_Ilia sighed in pure joy as she wrapped her arms around Link's bare shoulders. He told her those three words, then leaned closer, and closer, and finally…_

Ilia woke up in a sweat._ No! You are not going to dream about him like that!_ She yelled at herself consciously. But it didn't matter what she said._ Oh goddesses. I have a crush on my best friend._


	3. Getting Ready for Torture

**Okay, here's the third and final chapter of my new story, (just kidding, this is like the 500****th**** to last chapter.) Journey to High School. This'll change POV. I hope you enjoy!**

**Kate ****:)**

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I yawned and blinked blearily as I woke up. After my eyes got adjusted, I looked at my surroundings. Instead of in my bed, I was on Ilia's couch. I was confused for a second, and then I remembered. I had spent the night at her house last night. We had stayed up playing Call of Duty World at War and Halo 3 with her dad (who happened to be the coolest dad ever. Come one, he plays Xbox! Most dads think an Xbox is Satan's little pet.) and I had fallen asleep. Bo called my mom and she let me stay there, so I was happy. I'm pretty sure she has a crush on Bo or something. And she loves Ilia like the daughter she never had, so she doesn't mind me going over there. Suddenly I heard a loud thud and a curse upstairs. I walked up and saw Ilia tangled up in her blankets and lying on the floor. She was cursing like a madman.

"Link! Get me out of here!" she yelled, agitated. I couldn't help but chuckle. She got furious at this and thrashed around, trying to get out of her encasement. It only got her more tangled. Finally, she fell limp and asked me for help. I grinned widely and picked up her blanket smothered form. Then I grabbed the end of the blanket and let go. She quickly unraveled and fell to the floor with a bang. I laughed out loud at this. She sat cross-legged on the floor glowering at me, her hair in a frizzy mess and her pajamas all rumpled. It was enough to make even Zant laugh. And not in insanity. Just pure, hilarious humor. She scrambled up and tackled me to the ground. Then she got up wiped her hands off, and smirked.

"Hey! I helped you!" I cried in mock outrage. She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah. Thanks, bud, for giving me a bruise the size of Hyrule on my side. That was extremely selfless of you. What ever can I do to repay you?" She asked sarcastically. I yawned and stretched my limbs luxuriously.

"Well, first off, I'm pretty hungry, so you could make me a double order of scrambled eggs, with some bacon and sausages. Make sure the bacon's nice and crispy, too." I ordered. She glared at me.

"How about this? You get off your lazy behind and make me some breakfast before I kick your no good arse out of here." She suggested, deadly serious. I scratched my chin and pretended to ponder it for a second. Then I shook my head.

"Nah, I think I prefer the first one. The second one is a little…violent." I finally replied. She lunged at me in less than a second. I rolled out of the way, laughing. But in the second that I closed my eyes to blink I was knocked backwards. After a couple of painful seconds, I was lying in a big heap at the bottom of the stairs, Ilia smirking over me. I groaned in pain. "I swear I'll get you for that…" I grumbled half-heartedly. To be truthful, I had deserved it, but I'd never admit that. She rolled her eyes, a grin plastered over her face.

"Whatever, Link. You know you deserved it." Wow, reading minds much? "I'm going to make breakfast now. If you don't want yours to look like a goat had a really bad case of diarrhea, then I'd suggest you stop bothering me." She patted me on the shoulder and winked before going off towards the kitchen.

"Very descriptive there, Ilia." I mumbled, even though I knew she probably couldn't hear me. I guess I was wrong, because her delicately pointed ears twitched and she laughed a high sort of tinkling laugh.

"I know, buddy. I know. Now can you help me? I'll do the cooking, but you have to do the rest." I frowned, then finally gave in and got up, grumbling. "Good boy." She reached up and patted my head. I shook her hand off with a pout. Then I heard a loud snort from somewhere upstairs followed by a "Wha…?" Bo waking up, obviously. He stumbled down the stairs, then tripped and rolled down the last few steps. I couldn't help but chuckle. What was with this family and falling? I shook my head in amusement as Bo finally dragged himself over to the table and inhaled.

"Must've been the delicious smell of bacon waking me up," he concluded, sitting down at the head of the table.

"More like your impossibly loud snores. Sooner or later it's going to wake up the culprit, too." I mumbled. Ilia snorted loudly, and Bo looked at us in confusion.

"Just a joke I heard the other day. Don't worry about it." I lied. He shrugged, happy with the answer, and laid his head on the table.

"We didn't keep him up _that _late…" Ilia muttered.

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Today is pretty awesome. I mean, I haven't spent some good, nice, quality time with Ilia for a while. I forgot how fun it was. Since today's Saturday we just hung out. After she kicked my arse at Mario Party about 50 times, I finally threw down my controller and suggested something a little more…_thrilling._ So we switched to Xbox and popped in some good ole' Halo 3. Sadly enough, I sucked at that, too. She usually hopped in a Ghost, zoomed over to where I was, (and I thought it was a pretty good hiding place, too, but obviously it wasn't) and stabbed me in the back with a beam sword. Come on! I gave her some time to laugh at me before a picked her up, slung her over my shoulder, and deposited her outside.

"We're doing something else." I said firmly, crossing my arms over my chest. She stuck out her tongue at me as she pushed herself up.

"You're just a sore loser. It's not my fault you suck at video games." She complained grumpily. I huffed.

"I do _not_---" I started to say, but she cut me off.

"Yes, you do. You suck terribly. It's just a sad and simple fact of life." I glared at her.

"I hate you." I muttered. She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. What do you want to do?" she asked, irritated. I brightened reasonably. I looked over to the stream and small pond that ran through Ordon and grinned wickedly. It was pretty hot outside…Ilia screamed as I grabbed her and ran full speed towards the pond behind Talo and Malo's house. Then I dove in, still holding onto her, yelling, "Water fight!"

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POV CHANGE

Water fighting was the main thing the children and teenagers of Ordon did on a hot day. As soon as the children, who were doing various things, heard Link's bellow they all dashed towards their favorite pond, where Link had already dunked Ilia, officially starting a full-fledged water war. She swam after him as the rest of the kids jumped in and attacked them. Beth was sitting on the edge looking at them in disgust because they were acting so immature. She gazed at her new check of $250 that she had gotten from selling a picture to Hylian Wonders. Designer clothes, here she came.

After a good amount of splashing, dunking, and cuccoo fights, (A/N: Pretty much chicken fights, except for everything chicken has been changed to cuccoo.) the town kids finally emerged from the pond, their clothes thoroughly soaked. Link shook his head to get the water out of his hair.

"You remind me so much of a dog when you do that, you know?" Ilia commented to him. He froze. No, of course she couldn't know. She just said that he _reminded _her of a dog. Okay, it's okay, she doesn't know. He relaxed.

"Coolio. It's pretty efficient. You should try it sometime." He told her. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, and look like a total retard. Okay, I will try it." She said sarcastically.

"But I do it, so it's officially a new trend. Everyone with think you're awesome."

"Link, just because you do something, it doesn't mean everyone's going to copy you. Not all of us are that obsessed. Well, unless you're one of those three fan girls…" she trailed off. He nodded sadly.

"Yeah…oh shiznaz!" he suddenly yelled, startling everyone around him.

"Who died?" Ilia asked after she got over the initial shock of the outburst.

"I have to go to that stupid date thing with Marissa in like 3 hours!" he wailed. Ilia grinned.

"It's okay. I'll help you get ready. Then you can start the 2 hour journey to Castle Town." She grabbed his arm and dragged him over to his house. He kept whimpering, "I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go…" She yanked on his arm.

"Shut up! Goddesses, just go and get it over with. Be a man and tell her she's annoying and you don't want to go out with her. She's not going to eat you alive, okay?"

"Okay," he blubbered. When they finally got to Link's foster house a middle-aged woman with graying brown hair, little beady eyes, and a sharp, pointed nose answered the door.

"What do you want?" she yelled at them, irritated. When she saw Ilia her face softened.

"Oh, it's you dear. Come on in." She ushered them inside and shut the door behind them. "So, Ilia honey, you haven't visited in a while. Why not?" she asked. Ilia looked stuck.

"Uh…I uh…I've been busy. Really busy." She finally managed to stutter out. Link's foster mom creeped the crap out of her.

"With what, dear?" the lady sort of commanded.

"Um…school and…stuff. I've had a lot of homework and projects."

"Oh…okay." The woman finally decided. "Come and sit down. I'll bring you some tea." She started to walk off but Link cut in.

"Um, Mom? I have to go somewhere soon, and Ilia's helping me get ready. Maybe you guys can finish this later?" he suggested, waiting for his mom to explode. Instead, she just narrowed her eyes at him.

"Okay…but don't be too long." She said, almost menacingly.

"Thanks!" they both spoke in unison before they ran as quickly as they could upstairs. They slammed the door in his room shut and locked it behind them.

"You know that movie we watched on Halloween in second grade? About that crazy old witch who invited lost children to spend the night at her house and then when they fell asleep she'd kill them and use their bones as a gate? You mom is suspiciously like that witch. I have a creepy feeling that she's going to do that to me someday." Ilia commented to him while a shiver ran up her spine.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Or maybe Hansel and Gretl. She always looks like she's going to shove you in an oven when you aren't looking." Ilia nodded. Then she let out a long breath.

"Okay. Forget about Satan's spawn that's downstairs. Let's just focus on getting you ready." She told him, walking over to his closet. She then immediately started sifting through it, trying to find something decent for him to wear. "First off, Link, go take a shower or something. You smell like pond water." He shrugged, walked into the bathroom that was connected to his door, and turned on the water. A few seconds later she heard a loud thud and some extremely vulgar curses. She sighed and went in to check on him. He was sprawled on the floor, only wearing his jeans. Ilia leaned against the wall and crossed her arms, smirking.

"What did you do now?" she asked in a bored tone. He glared at her.

"Well, I was doing exactly as you suggested, and I reached in to pull up the shower switch so I could get in, when I slipped on some water that had leaked. And gods, that is really frickin painful." He growled through clenched teeth, rubbing his back. Ilia couldn't help but laugh. Typical Link to slip and fall before even getting _in_ the shower.

"Just try not to paralyze yourself before the hour is up, okay?" she told him before she turned around and walked back to finish her work. After about ten minutes she finally found something for him to wear. She heard the shower shutting off and then a bang. Not again. Then she heard another smash and a "Oh, crap." She decided not to go in since Link probably wasn't wearing anything at the moment. A few seconds passed and Link came out with a towel wrapped around his waist, pretending like nothing happened. She shrugged, deciding to go along with it, but she couldn't help but notice that above the toilet in the bathroom there was a large hole, and there was bits of plaster stuck to Link's still damp fist. She sighed and tossed the clothes she had found to him.

"Put these on, Mr. Temperamental." He looked at them for a second then turned around and walked back into the bathroom. After a couple of minutes and he didn't come out, she decided to check on him. He was standing in front of the mirror and clumsily struggling to get the buttons on his shirt to button up. He had already smashed a couple of his mom's tiny little glass dolls she set on all the counters. Ilia gave an exasperated sigh and walked over to him. The buttons were extremely tiny and Link could barely hold them with his large hands. She, on the other hand, had tiny, nimble fingers. In a matter of seconds, his shirt was completely fastened up.

"How do you do that?" he asked, incredulous. "I couldn't even get one!" she held up her hands.

"It's called small fingers."

"Oh. Well, I think this looks okay…but it doesn't look like me." He checked himself out in the mirror. He was wearing long black dress pants and a starched white polo.

"Well, they're your clothes." She stated the obvious.

"I know, but technically they're not mine. My mom bought these pants for me like a year ago. I never wore them because one, I hate dress pants, and two, they were huge on me. They fit me now, but I still don't like them." He grumbled. Ilia rolled her eyes.

"Get over it. Now, for your hair…I don't even have to say anything for that." She grabbed a towel off the rack and rubbed his hair until it was almost completely dry. Then she took a bristled brush and ran it through his locks until it was untangled. After that, she picked up a comb and smoothed it back until it was perfect. She wiped off her hands.

"My work here is done. Now go to that date and tell Marissa she needs to get a life." She ushered him to the door. Instead, though, Link left out through the window. He really didn't want to talk to his mom right now. Ilia soon followed. After Link had grabbed Epona and left, Ilia went back home and settled down on her couch with some popcorn and a screen in front of her, showing the Hylian Wonders Café. She had called Telma last night asking her to set up a camera at the café. After she told the motherly bartender why, Telma had immediately agreed for her own personal entertainment. Now she had live broadcasting of the café, exactly where Link and Marissa would be sitting. This should be fun…

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So, that's the third chapter. I know I'm mean, but I should have The Date posted in a couple of days. I felt like leaving you on a cliffhanger. So…until then…

**Kate :)**


	4. Mashed Potatoes and Sleazy Waitresses

Okay, sorry I haven't uploaded in a while, and since this chapter is pretty short there's no excuse for it, but I've been really sick so I couldn't even get out of bed. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! And please, please, please review! I only have like 3 reviews even though I have like 150 hits. I swear I'll upload faster if you review! Okay, now that that's out…ENJOY!

**Kate :)**

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Link's POV

I sighed as I walked towards Castle Town. I really, really, really did not want to go to this date with Marissa. Honestly, I could not stand her. She had flirted with me ever since I had come back from my journey, and as much as I turned her down, she kept on trying. She's persistent; I'll give her that. Just not…in a good way. I don't know what's up with Ilia though. Even though she's pretty evil, I didn't expect her to be so _earnest_ with this date thing. I think she's up to something…

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Ilia's POV

Since there was still a couple of hours before the show started, I decided to walk around outside for a while. It was weird; yesterday was like 40 degrees and today was around 80…oh well. Today was fun. While I was thinking this I didn't notice where I was going and I ran into Beth, knocking her and a binder she was holding over.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I apologized, and I helped her up. While I was doing so, I couldn't help but notice a picture that was stuck in the binder.

"What's this?" I asked suspiciously, frowning. She tried to grab it, but I snatched it away from her. When I saw it, my mouth literally dropped. It was a picture of me and Link from the day before at the spring. It looked like…we were a thing or something. Seriously. I was on his back and he had his arms wrapped behind my knees so I wouldn't fall off, while we were laughing and he was looking up at me. It looked like something you would use on an Abercrombie and Fitch store bag. It probably didn't help considering I _had _been wearing an Abercrombie hoodie and jeans. I was still gaping at it when Beth said, "I know. Great picture, huh?" her voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"No! How the heck did you get this?" I demanded. She shrugged. "I needed some extra cash and I was looking for a little job in Castle Town when I met the manager of Hylian Wonders. She told me they needed a good romantic picture for their menus. And she asked that I get one that was _real_, and not a fake set-up picture. It was just luck that I came across you and Link at the spring. So I snapped a picture and it came out perfectly. I mean, look at the light on his abs! Can they get any more perfect?" she sighed dreamily. I curled my lip in disgust, even though it was a little hypocritical considering I had been thinking the same thing yesterday.

"Well you're not giving it to her! I don't want people thinking me and Link are going out!" I protested, fuming. This was not good. But Beth just smirked.

"Whatever. You can keep that. I already gave it to her, and I think she's putting out the new menus tonight. Oh well!" she said cheerfully before skipping off. My face was flaming red in embarrassment. Oh no…Link and Marissa were going to Hylian Wonders tonight. That meant…I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and looked at the clock. In ten minutes Link and Marissa would arrive at the café. Oh crap. I ran back as quickly as I could to my house and switched on my computer that had the footage of the café. As I got comfortable I saw that Marissa was already there, and Link was just now arriving. Let's see how this turns out…

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**Link's POV**

I cringed as I saw Marissa already sitting there at the café. She was wearing an extremely short and low cut red dress, with a pair of matching high heels. Her face looked like the goddess of cosmetics had pooped on it or something. I know that's not a very lovely comparison, but she was wearing so much make-up it wasn't even funny. And her hair…well, I don't know how to describe that. It was like a giant curly bush. I don't want to know how long she spent getting ready and I really hope she didn't expect too much. She was already assuming too much if she thought that I'd come. But I didn't want to be rude so…yeah. I took a deep breath and walked towards my doom.

Marissa smiled and waved when she saw me. I had to take another breath to stop myself from running away right then and there. I forced a smile out (though it looked painfully twisted) and walked towards her. I slid into my seat and folded my hands on the table.

"Hey," she said seductively, causing me to involuntarily shudder in disgust. She cocked her head when I did so. "What's wrong?" she asked. I forced out an expression of innocence.

"Oh, nothing, it's just kind of cold." I lied. Obviously, she was as dumb as she looked because she just shrugged and agreed. Come on, it was 80 degrees out! I had thought I was screwed when I said that, but I guess not. Just then the waitress arrived. She gave Marissa a look of disgust and turned towards me. When she saw me, she brightened considerably. It took all of my willpower not to shiver. What was up with females and liking me? I'd been told I looked handsome, but I didn't know I looked _that _good. I guess being around Ilia and her immunity to my charm had worn off on me. Thanks gods for Ilia. I don't know how I'd survive without having one sane girl in my life. Then the waitress's voice broke my train of thought.

"What would you like tonight, handsome?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes at me. I coughed nervously and my face turned bright red. I really didn't like it when people flirted with me.

"Uh…I haven't got a menu yet…so uh…" I started, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly. She giggled at my nervous attitude, then her eyes widened when she realized what I had said.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear, I'll go get you and your…_partner_ some menus." She winked at me then left, but not before glaring at Marissa. I could have sworn I heard her saying something about 'hookers' and 'he's mine' when she left. Melissa gave her a dirty look then turned around and looked at me; a grin now plastered on her face. Goddesses, chicks could be so…_bipolar_. They'll be furious one second and then they'll turn around all happy and peppy. It really creeps me out. That's yet another reason I'm thankful for Ilia. She doesn't have crazy mood swings all the time.

"So…" I said, trying to start a conversation. I didn't want to be rude.

"Yes?" she answered leaning towards me, and unfortunately giving me a better view of her chest. Holy crap on a cracker…I shook my head and looked back up at her face. She must have noticed, because she was smirking. "You like what you see?" she asked in a seductive tone, making me shudder.

"Uh…no, not really." Were the words that came out of my mouth before I could stop them. As soon as I said that, though, I clamped my hands over my mouth. I had NOT meant to say that. "Did I just say that out loud?" I sort of whimpered. She was glaring at me.

"Uh, yeah. That was extremely rude." She snapped at me. Just then the waitress arrived. I think she had heard the whole ordeal because she was giving Marissa a smug look.

"Your menus, sir. I hope you find something delectable, not only from the menus." She licked her lips and winked at me. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was cold outside from all the shivering I was doing.

"Thanks…" I was saying when I heard Marissa shriek.

"Link! What is this?" she cried in outrage. I slowly turned towards her with a bored expression on my face.

"Yes?" I asked tiredly. Her face was purple as she pointed to the menu. I raised my eyebrow but still looked where she was pointing. When I saw it, my eyes widened and I scrambled to get up, falling over in the process. Everyone at the café turned towards me when they heard the clatter of my chair on the stone pavement. "I'm good!" I yelled, giving them a thumbs up. Then I turned back towards the menu. On the front page of it was a picture of me and Ilia at the spring. And it looked like…we were dating or something.

"What is this?" Marissa repeated, her face steadily gaining color. I was still gaping at it. I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I said anything.

"I have no idea." I answered truthfully. She glared at me.

"You mean to tell me that that's not you and Ilia in that picture?"

"No! I mean, there's ton of people who look like me in Hyrule. It could've been anyone!" I protested weakly. She crossed her arms and gave me an irritated look.

"No one looks like you, Link." She said plainly.

"Yes there—"

"No, there isn't."

"Yea—"

"No." I closed my mouth. It was true. Almost nobody looked anything like me. Gods…I don't know how I'll survive after this. I didn't want to embarrass myself any more so I stood up abruptly.

"I'm going to go now, kay?" I started to walk off but Marissa stood in front of me.

"Wait." She said, then closed her eyes and leaned towards me, her lips puckered. I backed away in disgust and tried to find a way to escape. Aha! I grabbed somebody's mashed potatoes and shoved them on her face, then ran off. I heard her murmur, "Link, you're a weird kisser…" before she realized I wasn't really kissing her and ran after me.

"Oh shiznaz!" I looked behind me and what I saw was comical. Marissa was running after me in her high heels, eyes filled with fury and her face smeared with mashed potatoes. Suddenly one of her heels broke and she went smashing into the ground. I couldn't help but laugh as I sprinted out of there as fast as I could. If only Ilia could've seen this…

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Ilia's POV

I was already close to dying before the whole kissing ordeal so when that came on, I think I about burst my lungs. I was still laughing when Link ran up to my room about an hour or so later.

"That" _pant_, "was" _pant_, "so" _pant_, "hilarious!" he wheezed out when he got to my room.

"I know!" I exclaimed. His expression turned suspicious, then incredulous.

"How could you…" he trailed off as he saw the screen with Hylian Wonders on it. Right now it showed Marissa angrily stabbing a piece of cheesecake on her plate, her face and clothes a mess. "You were spying on me?" he asked, irritated. I couldn't help but smirk.

"Yep, me and Telma both. She was gracious enough to set up a video camera last night after Marissa asked you out. We both thought it'd be quite a laugh, and we weren't disappointed." His face was now covered in shock. He pointed a finger accusingly at me.

"Uh…y-you…sp-spied…o-on…" he stuttered. He was obviously confused. My grin widened.

"Come on, Link! I even recorded it!" I told him. He brightened immediately.

"You did? Let's watch it!" He plopped down next to me on the couch and I hit the replay button. The rest of the night we stayed up watching and laughing at it until we could keep our eyes open no more. We finally dozed off, our dreams filled with mashed potatoes and sleazy waitresses.

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Hope you enjoyed that! Sorry it was so short, but I haven't had much time to write. I'm trying to keep my cursing down to a minimum, but there may be a few words slips here and there.

PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks!

Kate :)


	5. A Feverish Side of Link

Hi, sorry I haven't updated in forever, but I've been really busy with school and stuff. I have like 3 exams coming up and I've already taken 2, which were extremely hard, so sorry if I don't update really quickly. But I try to write in my spare time, so hopefully I can still have a chapter or so a week. Anyway, here's the story. Hope you enjoy!

**Kate :)**

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**Chapter 5: A Feverish Link**

**Link's POV**

I groaned sleepily as I opened my eyes, almost getting blinded by the lights. I squinted and rolled over, only to realize a bit too late that there was nothing to roll over _on._ So, in approximately .1 seconds, I plummeted 2 feet to the floor. I groaned again as I pulled myself up. I think mornings hated me or something. Yesterday I fell down a flight of stairs, and today I fall off the couch. Though I'd rather have the couch any day. I had already noticed some good-sized blotches on my tooshie after yesterday's ordeal. And before you start getting any thoughts, _no, _I do _not _look at my butt regularly, I was just checking for bruises, which I unsurprisingly found last night. Anyway, getting back to reality and away from that subject, my luck that day just wasn't looking too bright.

Ilia and I had fallen asleep on the couch together after watching some interesting replays of my date, so go figure that I accidentally kick her and wake her up from a peaceful sleep as I roll off onto the ground. Obviously, she wasn't exactly happy with this situation so a nice and swift kick to the sensitive male parts solved her anger. But not my pain. It only made it worse. I let out _another _groan as I finally managed to yank myself up into a sitting position. (I was having a really bad day. Not to mention the fact that I feel like crap. My head and stomach were _killing _me.) Ilia seemed to notice my discomfort because she asked if I was okay. I told her I was fine, but she didn't believe me.

"Come on, Link, you look like you're constipated. There's _definitely_ something wrong." She gave me the I-know-you're-lying-so-spill look. I sighed.

"You know, getting kicked in the 'parts' can kind of do that to you." I said wryly, rubbing my…you know. (And it _hurts, _okay. Jeez, I don't do these things regularly. I'm _not _self-obsessed.) Ilia held up her hands defensively to my comment.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to kick you _that _hard. But I was sleeping peacefully until you not-so-gently kicked me in the stomach. You deserved it."

"I didn't mean to!" I protested. Suddenly a bolt of pain shot through my stomach. I doubled over, clutching it. Ilia turned from mad to concerned. No matter how angry she could get, she still cared for my well being. She rushed over to my side.

"What's wrong?" she asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"My…stomach." I moaned. "And…my…my head."

She frowned, and put her cool hand on my forehead. I sighed in relief. It felt really good.

"You're burning hot!" she exclaimed.

"I know I am, Ilia, but-"

"I meant your temperature, not your looks, you idiot." She pulled her hand away and got up.

"Wait." I grabbed her hand and put it against my forehead again. "Your hand feels good." She rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away again.

"I'll get you an icepack. For now, you need to get in my bed." I gave her a quizzical look.

"Really?"

"Not _with_ me, Link. You have a fever, and you need to rest." With that she bounded down the stairs. I sighed and climbed into her rather comfortable and good smelling bunk. I pulled the old flower print quilt up to my chin and breathed deeply of its fresh scent. Ilia returned a couple of minutes later with a thermometer and an icepack in her hands. She knelt by my side and stuck the thermometer in my mouth. Then she handed me the icepack, which I proceeded to put on my throbbing head.

"Thanks, mom." I mumbled sarcastically through the instrument in my mouth. She gave me a little grin, and the thermometer beeped. She pulled it out of my mouth and read it.

"Holy crap, Link, 103 degrees. You're staying in bed today." I happily complied by closing my feverish eyes. I heard her sigh with concern as I drifted off to sleep. It touched me that she really cared for me, and not just because I was the Hero of Time or anything. I was still thinking this as I fell into complete darkness.

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**Ilia's POV**

I stared at Link in part amusement and part worry. The thing I'm thankful about Link for is that he doesn't snore. So whenever I'm forced to be around him while he's sleeping I don't have to hear him loudly and obnoxiously snort every few seconds. But that's why I'm worried, because right now, he sounds like an elephant who's been deprived from sleep just a little too long. His mouth is wide open and a sound somewhat similar to a dying goat is coming out of it. Suddenly his eyes sprung open, but he still wasn't technically awake. He started thrashing around wildly and swinging at some imaginary creature with his sweaty fists.

"Bring it on Fluffy! You may have won the battle, but you haven't won the war! Wha…OH GODDESSES! No! They're coming to get me! Tinkie Winkie! LaLa! Help me! The Oompa Loompas are coming for me! And here comes Willie Wonka! Tellitubies, unite! We cannot let Barney win this!" he yelled deliriously. After much pummeling at the air, he rolled off the bed in a tangle of blankets. Link looked up, me smirking over him.

"Wow, I didn't know you had a fear of toddler TV shows." He stared up at me in horror.

"Arty Smarty Pants! I knew you were coming for me! Stay away!" he began buffeting the air again. He tried to get up, and ended up stumbling into me and knocking us both over. "Ha! I have defeated you once again, Billy and Mandy! The Grim Reaper will not be victorious ever again!" I stared at him in pure mirth. This was too good. If only I could get this on camera…yes! I remembered that I did have a video camera in my room that I had set up to record Link's reaction to me taping his date, and I had never taken it down. Maybe it had got this? I got up quickly and jogged over to where it was set up. Link stumbled after me, screaming,

"Come back you coward! You will never win!" he grabbed a squeaking rubber chicken that I had gotten for my 6th birthday and brandished it at me. I couldn't help but snicker as he chased after me. This was hilarious. I looked behind the camera and it showed Link with a wild look in his eyes yelling at me. It was too much, so I started cracking up. This only made him angrier. He started to run, but tripped over the blanket that was still wrapped around him. "Why, Elmo? Why have you done this to me? I never did anything to you, yet you still stole my Barbie collection. You're evil! Evil, I say!" he wailed. Then he noticed me again. He sat up and cocked his head to the side, making his shaggy blond hair fall to the side. He looked so innocent and cute. "Big Bird? You're home already?" he asked in confusion. I smiled and walked over to him.

"Link, it's me, Ilia." I told him, patting his head. This only made him more confused.

"Ikea? That's a furniture company! And my name's Joe, not Link. What kind of name is that?" he pouted. I couldn't help but giggle, which is a weird thing for me to do.

"No. My name is I-li-a. And your name is Link, not Joe."

"My name is Joe!" he yelled angrily, crossing his arms childishly. I held up my hands in surrender.

"Okay, your name is Joe. Fine." I agreed. He huffed and turned away from me.

"Good. You better remember that, Ikea." I held back a grin at him. It was hilarious.

"I'll do that, Joe." He glared at me.

"My name's Link, not Joe!"

"You just said your name was Joe."

"No, it's Link. Why would it be Joe?"

"Well, that what you said."

"It's Link! How hard is that to get through your head?" I backed away from him.

"Okay, Link. Your name is _not _Joe. And you're not rambling about random crap that goddess knows where comes from."

"I know I'm not. Why would you even say that?" I gave him a blank look.

"I have no idea." I answered. He gave me a weird look.

"You're crazy." He said, then turned from me to play with the rubber chicken that was still in his hand. "Pass me that Teddy Bear, will you?" he asked. I grabbed a sparkly pink teddy bear that he had given me when I was 5 and threw it to him. He started making the bear and chicken talk.

"Why, Charles, aren't you looking handsome today." He mocked in a girly voice, squeaking the chicken.

"Well, Wilma, I have to say the same about you. You look absolutely ravishing." He had the teddy bear reply in a deep voice. Then he gave off a girlish giggle.

"Oh, Charles. You flatter me." He continued this for a couple of minutes, but I wasn't really listening. Instead, I was watching this with a mask of horror etched on my face. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Link!" I screamed in frustration.

"Huh?" he looked up from his little skit at me.

"Do you know what you're doing?"

"Of course. I'm…holy crap, what am I'm doing?! Why do I have your teddy bear and squeaky chicken?" he panicked, frantically throwing the toys to the other side of the room. "When did I get up? And why is your room a mess? It was perfectly clean when I fell asleep!" I smirked at him and pointed to the video camera. He frowned and walked over to it, pressing stop and saving the video.

"Now watch it." I commanded. He shrugged and pressed the play button. I joined him and fast-forwarded through last night and earlier this morning. I stopped right before he woke up. He looked at me skeptically but still watched the video. As the events played through again, his eyes widened and he lunged for the camera, but I kept it right out of reach.

"No." I said. "This is going to be in history for forever." I popped out the little tape and stuck it in my pocket, then dashed down the stairs and ran out the door. Link followed closely behind, but he couldn't run very fast with his fever. I sprinted to my friend Malon's house as quickly as possible and stopped there, panting. Link had fallen behind minutes ago. I knocked on the door urgently, ready to burst with laughter. The redheaded girl answered seconds before a very disheveled Link showed up. She stared at him in astonishment, and I only now realized why. He was wearing his fleece pajama pants, and nothing else. Completely shirtless.

"Give me that tape!" he tried to grab me but I rushed into Malon's house and slammed the door into him. I heard him tumble back into the grass as it collided with his face. "OW!"

Malon turned towards me uncertainly. "Why did Link show up here without a shirt on?" she asked slowly, as if the words felt weird on her tongue.

"Uh…yeah, about that. You have to see this video." I dragged her over to her VCR and popped the little tape inside. Once again, I fast-forwarded to when Link was first waking up. Soon we were both rolling on the floor laughing. After a couple of minutes like this, Malon was first to get up, wiping her eyes.

"What do you even call that? Kiddiephobia? _The fear of preschool TV shows_." She said. "Wow. That was priceless."

"I know." I agreed, getting up as well. "I'm totally posting that on YouTube." Malon nodded in agreement.

"Maybe we should let Link in. I mean, if he does have a fever, it's probably kind of cold out there for him."

"Yeah, definitely." We walked over to the door and opened it, revealing a shivering Link. He glared at us before rushing in and grabbing a blanket. I laughed at the look on his face.

"It's not funny! I was freezing you heartless bit—"

"Link!" Malon interrupted. "You probably shouldn't cuss when my dad's just upstairs. If he hears you, you're dead." He swiveled his head towards her.

"You're no better! You were probably just laughing your little butt off at me! I'm sick! I couldn't help it!"

"I'm sorry, dear Wilma." She mocked. "But I must admit, you look even more ravishing with that shade of blue." Link growled at her.

"I'm not blue. I'm…oh crap! I am blue!" he rushed over to the fire and sat by it. I smiled and walked into the kitchen. I pulled out Malon's stash of hot chocolate and brewed up a cup. After it cooled off to where it wasn't scorching hot, I went back into the living room and handed Link the steaming mug.

"There you go. Made purely of milk with some honey for flavoring." He eyed me suspiciously for a second to see if it was a trap, then decided it wasn't and took a wary sip of the drink. Soon he was gulping it down like a madman. He wiped his mouth and looked up at me hopefully.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked.

"I'll never forgive you." He replied defiantly.

"Is that so? Well that's just too bad then. I guess I can't make you another cup of hot chocolate. What a pity..." I sighed. He scrambled up quickly.

"I forgive you now."

"Oh, really? Okay then." I grabbed the cup from him and made another cup. It continued like this for a couple of hours. Finally, about 7 cups of cocoa later, he declared,

"I'm full."

"What a surprise. Who would've guessed that drinking 7 cups of hot chocolate would fill you up?"

"I was cold!" he protested. "And now my head hurts again." I sighed at this.

"We'd better go back to my house. Malon, do you think you could post that?" she grinned evilly as I led Link, who borrowed a coat from Malon's dad, back to my house. My dad had woken up when we were gone because he was sitting at the table eating a doughnut and reading the newspaper. He looked up as we walked in.

"Where've you kids been?"

"We were at Malon's. But Link's sick, so he's going to go nightie night now. Even though it's still morning…whatever. He needs to sleep." I told him. "I'm going to get him some ibuprofen." I walked over to the medicine cabinet as Link slowly trudged upstairs. I came up a few minutes later with a glass of orange juice and two tablets of medicine. He was groggily climbing into my bed when I arrived. I handed him the stuff as I pulled my TV over in front of the bed so we could watch a movie.

"Any particular interests at the moment?" I asked him. He shrugged and looked over at the Disney cabinets.

"Something I can fall asleep to. Maybe…Bambi? Not Bambi II though…I hate that one." He thought about it for a second. "Yeah, definitely Bambi."

"Okay. But Bambi's a little sad…are you sure?"

"I'm just going to sleep! And I want some pretty music…" he trailed off, unable to think of anything to say.

"Whatever, I'll put it on." I picked my way over to the huge cabinet filled to the brim with countless classic Disney DVDs. I looked over them until I finally found what I was looking for. "Aha," I exclaimed to myself as I pulled Bambi off the shelf. After I popped it in the DVD player I went and sat down next to Link.

"Is there anything you'd like to eat?" I asked over the previews. He shook his head for no and went back to watching the movie. I sighed, then picked up the empty orange juice glass and went downstairs to make some nachos.

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'**Kay, there's the chapter! I'm sorry it's so short, but I'm already half-way through my next chappie, so don't worry. I've been really sick so that gave me the idea to give Link a fever. This will continue in the next chapter, so you'll still have a sick Link when I get back. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, so please, please, please REVIEW!**

**Kate :)**


	6. Link's a GIRL! Well, not really

Sorry about the delay. Kate's computer has been messed up lately and her friend's computer that she's using until her new one arrives doesn't have Word. So she asked me to write this chapter in her stead since she can't update for a while. Tell me what you think!

Kate's online friend, Mar :)

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**Chapter 6: LINK'S A GIRL!? Well, not really…**

Ilia's POV

"Hey, sleepyhead, time to wake up. We have school today." I tried in vain to shake a slumbering Link up, but he refused to budge, only mumbling a few incoherent phrases before turning on his side and snoring loudly. I sighed angrily. Time for Plan B. I went into my bathroom and filled up a cup of freezing cold water. He was going to kill me for this, but…

"_ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_ Link screamed, clawing at my face. Nope, he hadn't enjoyed the cool liquid down his shirt after all. "_WHAT WAS THAT FOR_?!"

"You need to wake up. We have school."

"You didn't have to pour water all over me! I'm still sick, remember?" he huffed, slowly getting out of the drenched bed.

"Believe me, I tried waking you up the normal way. It wasn't going to work." He blew out an angry breath and glared at me.

"You could've shrieked in my ear or something. It would've been better than this."

"You really don't know how heavily you sleep, do you? _It wouldn't work._" He kept glowering at me. "Just go to your house and change. Your mom's probably wondering where you are anyway. I'll meet you at school and bring your medicine." He scowled but did as I said. I sighed wearily and started to get ready.

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A group of jocks at the school all gathered around the leader's locker.

"What'd you want, Fad?" one guy asked.

"You know Link's sick, right?" the one christened Fad confirmed. Everyone nodded their heads, and he continued. "Well, we seriously need to prank him."

"How's that gonna work?" another guy, Purlo, interrupted.

"Simple. You know Heather?"

"Heather the girl, or Heather the gay guy?"

"Heather the gay guy. Well, he always keeps female hormones in his locker and takes one between classes. He's seriously messed up." Fad, actually named Fado, got sidetracked thinking about the weird guy.

"What does this have to do with pranking Link?"

"Well, since Link's sick, he has to take two ibuprofen at lunch. We get both containers of pills before lunch and switch the contents. When Link takes the pills at lunch, then _BAM! _He'll be acting like a chick the rest of the day."

"Awesome!" the other guys chorused. Then they set off to begin their plan.

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**Ilia's POV**

Link was waiting for me at the school, and he still didn't look very happy. I rolled my eyes and threw the ibuprofen at him. His eyes didn't ever leave my face as his hand shot out and he caught it. I have to admit, all that 'hero' work had really upped his reflexes.

"Hey, Wilma!" I yelled as loud as possible and waved. I got a few odd looks from people still outside, and I got a dirty look from Link. I couldn't help but grin. He scowled deeper.

"Don't. Call. Me. That!" If looks could kill…

"Whatever. And just so you know, I didn't _actually _think Malon would post that. I was joking, alright? She just took it the wrong way." He kept glaring, so I flicked him on the nose. "Get over it. And if you look at the bright side, it already has over a million views."

"That's not a bright side."

"Well, you're more famous."

"For being a complete and total idiot." He deadpanned.

"You're a complete and total idiot all the time." I countered. He sighed.

"Touché." I grinned and ruffled his hair.

"That's my boy." I shouldered my backpack and walked into school. He reluctantly followed.

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"Come on, guys. Pur, you got Link's combo? And you have Heather's, Coro?" Purlo nodded and Coro shivered.

"Yeah, dude. You do _not_ want to know the things I had to do to get him to give it to me…" he trailed off, while the rest of the guys cringed.

"Well, sorry about that, but let's do this thing!" he crowed, and all the other guys joined in.

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**Link's POV**

I grabbed by ibuprofen and took two tablets with my lunch. Hmm…these seemed slightly bigger than the ones I took last night. That's weird…

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**Ilia's POV**

Link's been acting really strange today. I swore I saw him hitting on Fado. Maybe he really is gay…but no, I doubt it. I've caught him spying on Malon and me way too many times to count. But something's definitely up. Well, he was coming over after school, so maybe I'd figure it out then.

"Come on!" I yelled at Link. He frowned, then walked over to where I was standing.

"Do you think Purlo likes me? I mean, he's pretty hot…"

"What?!" I practically shrieked. Did Link seriously just call Purlo _hot_? I think my hearing's screwed up…

"Maybe he'll ask me to the dance." Nevermind. Link's just crazy. It was probably some kind of joke.

"Haha, very funny, Link. I know you're not really gay, however much I call you that." He just gave me a blank look.

"Huh?" he asked eloquently. I rolled my eyes at him.

"You can cut the act." I told him.

"What act?" was he actually…sincere?

"You know what? Nevermind." He shrugged and we walked back to my house.

We played Guitar Hero III for a couple of hours before we got bored. Then we played a game of poker to kill some time. That got old, too, so I contemplated what we could do.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked.

"Sure." He shrugged.

"Well, what do you want to watch?"

"Hmm…I'm kinda in the mood for Patrick Dempsey." He replied. What?!

"Wait…you're saying you _want_ to watch a chick flick?" I repeated slowly. He couldn't possibly be serious. Didn't he hang out with me because he _didn't_ like movies like that?

"Mmhmm." He nodded. He's gone nuts. Scratch that. He's absolutely _psycho._

"Oooookay then." I called Malon. She would probably have something we could watch. I was still waiting for the _'Gotcha!'_ or _'Ha!'_ when he finally told me this was all a big joke.

"Hello?" came the answer on the other line.

"Oh, thank goddess. Malon, that's you, right?"

"Unless my dad's voice suddenly changes to that of a sixteen year old girl, then it's always going to be me when you hear this voice."

"Okay, okay, I get it. But something's up with Link." I told her.

"Yeah, I was still under the impression that he had a very high yet hilarious fever." I rolled my eyes, knowing she couldn't see them.

"Other than that. He was hitting on Fado, then he called Purlo hot, and now he wants to watch a chick flick with Patrick Dempsey in it. It's really freaking me out." Instead of advice, I just heard loud snickering on the other end. "What?! I'm serious!"

"Hahahahaha…" _breath_ "Link's…" _breath_ "GAY!!! Hahahahaha…" I scowled on my end of the phone.

"It wouldn't be funny if you had to take care of him." I think she got over her laughing fit because she finally answered me.

"Actually, I think it'd be funnier."

"Whatever. Do know anything I could do to make him snap out of it? I still think it's a prank or something."

"You could try taking off your shirt and see how he reacts."

"EW! NO WAY!"

"Ok, then. You asked if I had any ideas and that was it."

"How about _you_ come over and do that if you think it's such a good idea." I said, smirking.

"Heh, no."

"LIA!!! I wanna watch Pattie! Can you pleeeeaaaaaaaseeeee get me a movie?" Link's whiny voice cut into our conversation. I had to clamp a hand over my mouth to stop a laugh from coming out. Malon didn't bother.

"Did Link just call Patrick Dempsey 'Pattie'? I think I'm going to die a very happy death." Thus continued the long stream of giggles and laughter coming from a certain redheaded girl.

"OK! I know it's hilarious, but Link is getting whiny. Can I come over there to borrow a movie?" She continued laughing, but managed to get out a 'Sure'. I hung up the phone and sighed. This was going to be a long night.

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**Link's POV**

Ilia seemed to think I was crazy. I don't know why. I mean, I guess there was something weird with the way I was acting today but I just did what my heart told me to do. I mean, Fado was looking pretty good with his muscle showing jean jacket, and Purlo really did look hot. Look at his sandy brown hair and hazel eyes and tell me he doesn't look hot. Then Ilia got this weird look on her face when I asked her if we could watch a movie with Patrick Dempsey in it. What can I say? That guy is dreamy. I heard the door open and Ilia call "I'm back!" I squirmed in my seat. I couldn't wait to watch this movie.

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**Ilia's POV**

I walked in the door after my adventure to Malon's house with the movie _Made of Honor_ in my hands. I don't know how I was supposed to watch this without puking, but I have to try my best, for Link's sake. "I'm back!" I called to Link. I could've sworn I heard him squeal. I hope not.

I entered the living room to see Link bouncing up in down in his seat. This frightened me. But I steeled myself and put the DVD into the player, then turned on the TV. I was able to sit through the first half without hurling. After that I started to feel a bit queasy so I got up to make us some popcorn. As I was waiting for the familiar '_bleep_' of the microwave, I heard an excited squeal emit from Link's mouth. I cringed and looked around the doorway to see what was the big deal. What I saw made me want to bang my head on something really hard. Patrick Dempsey had walked onscreen without a shirt on. I really need to figure out what's wrong with Link. I picked up the phone to call Malon, wondering if she could help. She'd probably just start laughing hysterically again.

"Hello?" I heard a sleepy voice.

"He squealed." I deadpanned.

"Huh?"

"Link. He squealed when he saw Patrick Dempsey shirtless." I think that woke her up.

"He _what?_ Are the goddesses playing some sick joke on me by making my dreams come true then crushing them by waking me up?" Where was a table? The urge to hit my head on something just got stronger.

"You dream about Link squealing over another guy? You have some seriously screwed up dreams, Mal." I could practically hear her scowling over the other end.

"You know that's not what I meant. But seriously---wait, what's that sound?" I didn't hear the rest of what she had to say because Link's loud voice interrupted.

"_WHAT!_ Why wouldn't you take him?! He's perfect! Pattie, I'm here for you! I'll love you!" I heard a sob. Okay, I was scared. Like, serial killer outside your window scared.

"Link?" I asked tentatively. "Are you alright?" My voice came out squeaky but I didn't care. This was freaking horrifying.

"No I'm not alright! That stupid woman doesn't see what's right in front of her eyes!" He turned puffy eyes towards me. Okay, he'd been crying? I need a corner to go hide in.

"Ilia? ILIA!" I jumped at the sound of Malon's voice. I had totally forgotten she was on the phone.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"What in Agnes name is going on?"

"I really don't know. And I really, really don't want to." I tried to make my voice go steady, but it wasn't working.

"Are _you _okay? You sound like you're on the verge of a panic attack." She sounded really concerned. She should be.

"I know. I probably am."

"Well, just hold on in there. Hey, I got to go. I'll call you tomorrow, if you're still alive." The line on the other side went dead. I was all alone now. I involuntarily shivered.

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Why won't you give him a chance?" Link wailed. Okay, I really needed to confront this. I took a deep breath and walked into the living room.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked him. He ran over to me and gave me a big hug. I think I squeaked.

"She won't take him." He sobbed against me. I hesitantly patted his back. "And he's so sad. It kills me to see him so heartbroken."

"I'm sure she'll see the true him and then they'll live happily ever after." I soothed, rubbing his back. I didn't know what else to do.

"But—but she's so absorbed in that Scottish guy. I mean, he's great, but he's not Pattie."

"I know, I know. Don't worry, Link, she'll realize she loves him in the end. I'm sure of it." I continued to rub his back while I thought of something I could do. "See look! She just rejected Colin for him! Everything's o—ouch! That must've hurt. But she still loves him and not the crazy Colin dude. So it's all okay." He sniffed and looked up at me thankfully.

"I'm so glad I have you. My life would be incomplete without you." He beamed.

"Uh…thanks?" I was really creeped out by his crazy mood swings. He then pulled away from me and started cheering. I think it woke my dad up because he soon came down the stairs and gave Link a weird look.

"Is he alright?" He gave me a puzzled look.

"No."

"Has he had any funny drugs today?"

"No…just his ibuprofen—oh my gods, his ibuprofen!" I ran over to where his book bag was sitting and pulled the small bottle out of it. I twisted the lid off and looked at the contents. Aha. The pills were slightly bigger and the letters printed on them were different. I guess Link hadn't noticed and taken a couple of these today. I wonder who gave them to him…I did notice Fado and his groupies gathered around their lockers today…oh, they were soooo dead.

"Link?"

"Yeah?" His head shot up and he trotted over to me happily. Weird…

"Did you notice anything different about the ibuprofen you took at lunch today?" I scrutinized his face closely. He seemed confused.

"They did seem kind of odd…but other than that, no." he didn't seem to be concerned about this.

"Well, someone switched your ibuprofen with female hormone pills." I told him.

"What?! Wait…what does that mean?"

"It means that you've been acting slightly…homo-ish all day when you're really not."

"So I'm not really in love with Patrick?" he seemed crushed.

I sighed. "No, Link, you're not. Just go to sleep and when you wake up this will all just seem like a bad dream."

"Okay…" he sounded depressed as he grabbed his pajamas from where he kept them in our closet and went to the bathroom to change.

"Wait…" I turned around to see my dad walking towards me. "Are you saying someone gave Link pills to make him act like a girl?" I slowly nodded, wondering at what he was getting at. He kept his face serious for a few seconds before bursting out in the booming laughter of his. Somehow it reminded me of Malon…

"Hahahahahaha! That has got to be the best prank I've seen yet!" He slapped his thigh merrily as Link emerged from the bathroom. He gave my dad a sort of glare thing before falling onto the couch and pulling the covers over his head.

"Well, goodnight, dad, I'm going to bed. This day has just been _way_ too weird for me." With that I climbed up the stairs and collapsed into my bad, hoping that this was just some crazy, messed up dream.

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**So…tell me what you think of me in review! Kate helped me a little bit, but she couldn't really edit anything into it. But she'll soon be back. Until then, though, you're stuck with me. Hope you enjoyed!**


	7. Fangirls and Fighting

**Sorry I've been gone for so long…but I've been really busy with school and I haven't had time to write. I've just recently been obsessed with Wind Waker, and little Link is so adorable, as well as the rest of the characters. Twilight Princess still takes the lead for best Zelda games (for me, at least), but the rest are pretty awesome, too. Anyways, enjoy!**

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**Ilia's P.O.V**

I grumbled sleepily when I heard a loud rapping coming from downstairs. I ignored it, hoping that whoever it was would just go away. My wish didn't come true, however, and the knocking persisted. After about 3 minutes of listening to the incessant '_Knock, knock'_ of the door, I hollered, "Get the door, Link!" It was much more convenient for him. He was only a couple yards away and on the same level, whereas I was a story above it and was much farther away. He could deal with it. I heard a thud as he rolled off the couch, then heavy, sleepy steps as he stumbled over to the door. There was silence for a few seconds, then a masculine scream and the sound of something heavy falling over. I jumped up immediately thinking there was a burglar, though I wasn't sure why they knocked. I silently crept down the stairs, grabbing an old wooden baseball bat along the way. As I quietly rounded the corner, I heard muffled shouts. Poor Link. I jumped out, ready to fight the intruder to the death, when I beheld a sight that I didn't know whether I should laugh or be horrified at.

Three teenage girls, a redhead, one with green hair, and the other with purple, were piled on Link, covering his mouth and holding him down. The three girls caught sight of me, and Link took advantage of this distraction to yell, rather loudly, "Rape!" His mouth was quickly covered again. I stood wide-eyed, looking at the scene in front of me, trying to decide what to do. One of the girls, the redhead, jumped up and glared at me, while commanding the others to keep a tight hold on him.

"What are you doing here?" She snarled, practically frothing at the mouth. It would've been pretty terrifying if she hadn't been wearing high heels and a dress that looked like it was outdated by three decades.

"Well, last time I checked, I _live_ here. I don't think that's changed in the past five minutes."

"What is Linkie doing here?" I snorted at her ridiculous nickname, and I saw Link visibly cringe at it. I ignored it, and replied,

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"To find my darling love." She said it with such seriousness that I almost lost it right then and there.

"Link's your darling love?" I said, letting only a few giggles out.

"He is my eternal soul mate. And some stupid girl like you isn't going to get in the way of our love." I was about to say something back when the purple-haired girl cried,

"What? _Your _soul mate? I thought he was all of ours!"

"Yeah!" Greenie agreed, nodding vigorously. I fought the urge to hit myself in the head. They had this whole thing planned out? To come, capture Link, and divide him amongst the three of them? Honestly, how stupid were they?

"I am not any of yours!" Came Link's muffled cry. I couldn't help but snicker at that. The redhead bent over him and said,

"Shh, my love, I know you're a bit confused. It's alright, I forgive you."

"He's not your love! He's _our_ love!" Ah, what naivety. Purple Girl didn't seem to understand that she'd been used.

"Dude, he's not anyone's love. He's a normal, 17 year old kid who is currently getting molested by three over obsessive fan girls. So get off of him, and get out of my house before I call the police." They all glared at me, but when I grabbed my cell phone, they jumped off him and started filing outside. I was about to slam the door on them when Greenie turned and bared her teeth at me. I gave her a not so friendly hand gesture in response.

After I'd watched them shuffle out of sight, I turned and looked over at Link. He was huddled in a corner, holding his knees to his chest and rocking back in forth while chanting softly to himself. I had to smother a laugh at the sight. I walked over to him and knelt by his side, but he didn't seem to notice me; instead, he was looking off in the distance, eyes wide and traumatized. Heehee, that rhymed. Well, sort of. Never mind. I'm going to get back to comforting Link now. "It's okay, Link. I scared away all the big, bad, rabid girls." He turned and glared at me. "What?" I asked.

"Don't make fun of me." He pouted, turning away. I smiled a little bit.

"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I made you get the door. If I had gotten my lazy butt up and opened it, none of this would've happened."

"Yeah, you meanie. Now I'm scarred for life. You do _not_ want to know where the redheaded demon tried to put her hands." I couldn't help but snicker at this. For one, he called me a meanie, which only five-year-olds say. For two, he called one of the stupid girls "the redheaded demon", which I found amusing, just because it fit so well, and for three, I still think that the fact that he was molested by three teenage girls was pretty freaking hilarious. Call me sadistic, but you'd crack up if you'd been here and seen the look on his face when the redheaded demon had called him her darling love. "See, you just laugh! You're so insensitive." He stuck his tongue out at me and crossed his arms. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay, I'm really sorry this time. What can I do to make you feel better?" He furrowed his brow in thought for a minute, then simply said,

"Food." Of course he wants food. I got up and stretched, then ruffled his hair, earning a "Hey!", before heading towards the kitchen to cook up some grub.

"What do you want?" I called once I was inside the kitchen.

"I told you already; food!"

"Well, duh! I _meant_ what kind!"

"Oh. Well, in that case, I don't really know. Something yummy." I fought the urge to smack myself in the head, and instead headed over to the cabinets to try and find something. What would be something good to eat at...? I checked the clock; 7:45 P.M. Hmm, we'd slept for a while. We got home from school today at three, then we both took a nap around four. That's almost four hours. Oops. Oh, well. Continuing my question, what would be good to eat at 7:45? I walked over to the fridge and checked in there.

I finally decided on some chicken and mashed potatoes, which Link was happy about, his only complaint being that the chicken I was cooking wasn't Fluffy. After I'd prepared everything, I grabbed two mugs and made Link and I some of my beastly hot chocolate, which Link drank quickly, scorching his tongue.

"Hey, where's your dad?" he asked after I'd given him some ice to cool his mouth down.

"He has some business in Kakariko, but he'll be home tomorrow night. Why?" I idly answered, watching the oven to make sure the chicken didn't burn.

"Oh, just wondering. But do you know what that means?"

"That he's gone?"

"No. That _we're_ here. _Alone._" He wiggled his eyebrows for good measure.

"What is your perverted mind implying, Link?" I sighed, getting my foot ready for an application of pain to a randy teenage boy.

"I'm not saying anything like that, Ilia!" he defended. "I meant that there's no one home, and there's a bunch of teenagers that live around here. We could have a party!" I let my foot relax, but said,

"Okay here are some reasons why not. One, my dad would kill me, but not before ripping out your intestines," I ignored his cringe. "Two, I have nowhere _near_ enough food to feed that many people, especially adolescent people, and three, I'm tired. So that would be a no."

"But…" he whined. "I wanna!"

"No_._"

"Please?"

"No_._"

"Pretty please?"

"_No._"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"_NO!_ So stop begging!"

"You're no fun." He pouted. "I know why you don't want to have a party."

"Really? Why's that?"

"It's because you want me all to yourself." He smirked. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Is that so?"

"Yep." He replied, popping the p.

"Okay, then. Get out."

"What?" he seemed startled. That's what he gets.

"You heard me. Get out. I don't want you here." I gave him a smug grin. That's what he gets, the stupid idiot.

"Oh, come on, I didn't mean it."

"_Out."_

"That's not fair!" he complained, while I shoved him towards door. "I didn't even get my food."

"Yeah, well, that's life. Now leave." I opened the door and started back towards the kitchen when he yelled,

"You promised me food, woman!" I turned back around slowly, and looked at him for a few seconds.

"_What _did you just call me?"

"A woman. That's what you are, right? Unless you're really a man. I wouldn't know…" I ignored his last comment.

"You said it in a degrading voice. Like I'm supposed to cook for you."

"Well, yeah, that's what women are for. Cooking and cleaning."

"_Excuse me?_"

"Well, that and other things. The others are just too inappropriate to mention." My jaw dropped. Was he serious?

"So you think women can't fight, either?" I challenged, glaring at him.

"Not really. I mean, guys _are_ a lot stronger. And they're not all emotional and weepy, so they can take a hit." What a sexist pig! I felt myself growing red in anger.

"Really? Okay, who do you think would win in a fight, then? Me or you?" He scoffed at this, as if it was the easiest question in the world.

"Me, of course, but it's not like I'm going to fight you any time soon. I don't want to hurt you, and the food's almost ready. You need to get it out." Oh, he was screwed. With a barbaric yell, I charged him and saw his eyes widen before I tackled him to the ground. I'm not even sure what I was doing, but it must've been painful.

"You crazy bi—OW!" he screamed, clutching his…well, yeah, where I'd just kicked him.

"You…stupid…sexist…jerk!" I yelled between punches. He rolled over onto me and tried to hold me down but I brought my elbow into his stomach and the air left him with an "Oof!" I'm not sure how long this went on, but I heard a knock and then someone calling,

"Are you kids getting frisky in there? If so, I really don't want to walk in on it!" I rolled my eyes and got off of a very beat up Link, who tried to grab my ankle. I kicked his hand away and then made my way over to the door. A concerned looking Malon was standing there when I opened it, and she took in my disheveled appearance with wide eyes. "What were you and Link doing, kid? Did you make sure to use protection?"

"We weren't doing anything. Link decided to be a sexist pig and got his sexist butt kicked."

"What'd you do to the poor boy?" She walked inside and froze at the sight of Link lying on the floor, holding a bloody nose with one hand, his…parts in the other, and sporting a black eye. "Dang, girl, that's bad. And all because he made a sexist remark?"

"Correction; he made_ many_ sexist remark_s_."

"So you attacked him?" Malon raised an eyebrow in question.

"And he challenged my fighting abilities. So I proved him wrong."

"Still. That looks really painful."

"It _is _painful!" Link cried, still nursing his wounds. I felt a twinge of guilt as I looked at him. Maybe I shouldn't have hurt him_ that _badly. But he was being an idiot. He let out a hiss of pain as he rubbed his stomach, and the guilt meter went up a couple of notches. I went over and sat down by him.

"Look, Link, I'm sorry." I apologized, removing his hand from his eye and looking it over. I winced at the sight of all the purple and black. "I overreacted."

"It's okay," he mumbled, covering his face again. "I guess I kind of deserved it. You _can _fight. I should've realized that before I started being a jerk." I laughed softly and gave him a hug.

"Friends again?" I asked, pulling back and looking at him.

"Yeah." He agreed. "As long as I get some of that amazing food you cooked. And if you make me more hot chocolate we can be best friends again." I smiled and got up, holding my hand out to him.

"Deal." He grabbed my hand and pulled himself up. Malon just stared at us in wonder.

"You two must be really close to get over that so quickly."

"Yeah, well, we've seen worse." I replied. "Link once shoved me in a river and I almost drowned."

"Oh, yeah? At least I didn't push you out of a tree!"

"That tree wasn't even that tall! And I'm not the one who, once I found out you were afraid of the dark, locked you in my basement all night, not even checking to see if there were poisonous spiders in there!"

"Hey, but in revenge you took me up to that cliff in Kakariko saying that we were going to fly off with a Cuckoo, then jumped off with it yourself, leaving me stranded while knowing that I was deathly afraid of heights."

"At least you could climb down from there! I was locked in with those spiders!" We continued bickering all through dinner, Malon smiling beside us.

"Ah, to be young and in love!"

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**There you go! Sorry again for the long spaces between updates! I try, I really do. I just have way too much to do.**

**If you're wondering what the word randy means, it's a British term for a word I thought might be kind of inappropriate for the story. If you want, look it up. Otherwise, don't worry about it. And if you happen to be British, or understand it, sorry for the vulgar language ;). Also, I know Malon is the same age as Link and Ilia, the last line was just her being goofy.**


	8. Link's Unknown Occupation

"Link! Are you almost done?" I called from Link's bedroom. We were going into Castle Town tonight with Malon for some shopping, so we'd stopped by Link's house after school so he could get a shower and clean clothes. And now I was waiting for him to finish. Right as I was about to ask again, I heard a '_BANG'_ and a few choice swear words.

"I'm getting there!" he replied in a pained voice. Was it possibly for him to take a shower without physically harming himself in some way?

"Well, then, do you know where I set my cell phone? I need to call Malon!" I didn't get an answer, so I figured that he didn't hear me. With a sigh, I began digging around under his bed, thinking that I may have dropped it there somehow. I saw the glint of a blue and green cover, and with a triumphant 'Aha' I pulled my cell phone out from a pile of old Marvel comic books. I was about to leave my position from underneath his bunk, when a loose floor plank caught my eye. I don't know why, but I reached over to pull it out, and discovered a box of VHS tapes labeled, "Link's. DO NOT TOUCH." in bold Sharpie. With a slight grin, I yanked the box out and replaced the plank. I gingerly set the shoebox in the bottom of my fairly empty bag, and then grabbed my cell phone to call Malon. I'd discover the mystery of those tapes later. For now, I really wanted to visit some gaming stores.

* * *

"Sweet! They have the new Harvest Moon game!" I beamed, holding up said object. Link made a sound of disgust.

"How do you even play that crap? It's so…_boring_." I rolled my eyes at him.

"You've never even played it, you idiot! So don't go making assumptions."

"Whatever. Where's Malon, anyway?" I looked around. She'd probably disappeared on us to go to Banana Republic or something like that. If there was one thing Malon loved more than anything else in the world, it was clothes.

"I dunno. Let's go find her; it's almost 7, anyway." We stopped at the counter to pay for our games, then I pulled out my cell to call Malon. However, half-way through the call, I was almost tackled by the overly hyper redhead. "Gah!" I yelled, diving for my phone before it could fall and break on the ground. I barely managed to grasp it before pulling up, slightly out of breath. "Malon!"

"Oops." She grinned somewhat sheepishly, but it didn't seem to put a damper on her mood. "Sorry about that. Anyway, I've got great news!" Knowing her, she'd probably found a great shirt for only $15 or something like that.

"What?" I said in a somewhat exasperated tone, smiling nonetheless. Hey, what can I say, her cheery attitude is contagious.

"Charlotte Russe is having a 60% off sale on dresses! Isn't that awesome?" she squealed, making Link and I wince.

"Uh…I guess?" I really don't get what so exciting about clothes. I mean…they're _clothes._ Whoop de freaking da.

"C'mon, let's go!" She tugged on my arm insistently, but I wouldn't budge.

"You know, I'm _really _hungry right now. How about we skip the stores and go grab some grub?" I gave her my most winning smile, but she just rolled her eyes.

"Umm…no. The Christmas Dance is coming up soon and neither of us have dresses for it. We're going."

"Yeah, um…I wasn't exactly planning on going to that anyway, so…"

"_What?_" she screeched. "_Not going?_ Oh, you're going, sister, whether you like it or not. Link, you can go and get some food while we're looking at dresses. We'll meet you afterwards." With that she grabbed my arm and dragged me off towards my doom.

"Malon, can you just accept that I don't like any of these dresses and then we can leave?" I asked hopefully. Malon, however, just glared. She'd already gotten a stunning, strapless blue dress that came down halfway to her knees. I don't get why she wanted us to stay.

"No. You _will_ get a dress, if it's the last thing I do. Now come one, let's keep looking." I sighed and half-heartedly sifted through the racks of clothing. Too short, too low cut, too frilly, too sleazy, too orange, too— "EEE!" I winced at the pitch of Malon's voice. "This is perfect!" I turned around to see her holding a forest green, squared halter-top dress that had a tight (but not too tight) fitting bodice and then flowed out to what I estimated to be my knees or a little shorter.

"I don't know…it might not fit…" I trailed off, still trying to make an excuse not to get a dress. Malone gave me a stern look, placed (very forcefully, I might add) the dress into my arms, then shoved me into a dressing room.

I slipped into the dress quickly, and, masking my disappointment at its perfect fit, opened the dressing room, giving Malon a mocking twirl. "Voila! Now can I get out of this and go!" But, of course, she had other plans.

"Oh. My. Goddess!!! You look gorgeous!!!" I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't really care, can we just—" I was cut off as she turned me to face the mirror. My mouth dropped in shock. I'm not a shallow person, but I had to admit, that dress made me look pretty dang good. I looked at the price tag. It read $120.

"Malon, I'm not paying $120 for a stupid dress, even if it does look good." She rolled her eyes at me.

"I think you're forgetting that it's 60% off."

"50 bucks…that's not too bad, but still…"

"You're getting that dress, girl." Malon sternly commanded. "Now come on, Link's probably waiting." I changed back into my clothes and we paid for the dresses. We finally made it to the food court, and by then, I was starving. While Malon found Link, I hurried over to the Chinese place and bought two platters of Bourbon Chicken and Lo Mein.

"Mmm…" I closed my eyes as I took the first bite. It tasted like heaven. Malon watched in what I'm guessing was disgust as I shoveled food down my throat. "Wha?" I looked at her, mouth half-full. "I'm hunnry." She ignored me and turned to Link, who was eyeing my food hungrily. She sighed in annoyance.

"What is with you two and food?"

"We're hungry!" We exclaimed at the same time. She just gave a 'Hmph' and turned away to pick at her salad. I loved Malon like she was my sister and everything, but I could not for the life of me figure out how she could eat so little food without starving. She wasn't anorexic, don't get me wrong, she loves food, but somehow she manages to get by with a couple of bites. Eh, whatever.

I was distracted from my eating as a fork collided with my own. I looked up to see Link grinning at me, attempting to steal my food. I frowned and hit his utensil back with mine. He tried to stab a piece of chicken again, and I parried it. We continued this battle for a few minutes, before Link finally gave up and just grabbed the chicken. I glared at him and waved my plastic knife menacingly.

"Give it back." He just smirked and popped it in his mouth. I threw the knife at his neck and it had enough force for him to choke and spit it out. I grabbed it and, after cleaning it off with my napkin and dipping it in sauce, ate it. Malon stared at me in horror, while Link sulked over his lost food.

"Did you seriously eat that after he'd put it in his mouth?"

"Um…obviously. Hey, that was good chicken." She just shook her head.

"Sometimes, I just don't know why, or how, for that matter, you kids do it."

"We're hungry!" We repeated simultaneously. Whoa, that's creepy. Malon looked like she wanted to hit us both over the head, but I guess she managed to restrain herself.

"Just hurry up and finish. I'm ready to go home." Link and I finished our food, then packed up to go.

* * *

After I'd gotten home, I suddenly remembered the tapes in my backpack. I ran upstairs to my room and put the first tape of three in. Link appeared on the screen, wearing no shirt. My eyebrows automatically raised, even though there was no one to see them. Link going on stage with no shirt was not a good sign. Then I heard some very familiar music turn on, and Link started lip synch the lyrics.

"_I'm bringing sexy back,_" I wasn't sure whether I should be horrified or amused. He was starting to do some dance thing, but thankfully he kept his clothes (what he had left of them, anyway) on.

"_Them other boys don't know how to act_." It continued like this for a while, until I was practically crying from mirth. It was too funny. With the last line he blew a kiss and I had to hold my hands over my mouth so I wouldn't wake my dad up. I pulled that tape out, and put Numero Dos in. Link came on again, and this time he was fully clothed. But, alas, that wasn't to last.

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt,_"I choked on my own spit. He could not be serious. "_So sexy it hurts._" A couple times I had to bury my head into a pillow so I wouldn't be heard laughing. That, and Link was embarrassing himself so bad that it embarrassed _me._ Also, I wasn't sure if there was going to be nudity in this video. I really, really hoped not. I looked up just as it ended, and was relieved to find that his pants were still on his body.

I removed that tape, then hesitantly put the last one in. I pressed play, and there Link was again, and though technically he was wearing a shirt, he had a polo that was completely unbuttoned, so it didn't make much of a difference. I heard an upbeat tune start to play, and I started snickering as I recognized it. "_Ha ha, well now, we call this the act of mating. But there are several other very important differences between human beings and animals that you should know about."_ The Bad Touch? Honestly? And I thought the other songs were worse…Link looked seductively towards the screen as he pretended to sing the first verse that was playing. "_You and me, baby ain't nothin' but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!_" I knew I shouldn't laugh, but it was too funny. Finally, after more hilarious singing, it was over, with Link grinning lecherously.

After the screen had gone blank I just sat there, cracking up, for another 20 minutes or so. Then, with a smile, an idea came to me. I grabbed my cell phone, then texted to Link, "Haha…your life is ended." After a few minutes, I got a '?' back. So, I decided to call him, still giggling uncontrollably.

"Hello?" Came his confused voice. "Are you alright, Ilia? You don't sound so good." I think he was referring to my psychotic laughter, but I ignored him, getting straight to the point.

"I didn't know you were a male stripper." I sniggered again.

"Ilia, what in the world are you talking about?" I started humming a suspiciously familiar tune, but it was a bit distorted by my insane cackling. I think he caught on, though.

"Wait…no, there's no way…" He trailed off, then I heard him rummaging around him room. Oh, this was getting good. I heard a yelp, and then an angry but frightened tone demand, "Where are they?"

"Mwahahahahahha—hiccup!" was my reply. Hehe…I tend to do that when I laugh too hard. I heard a dial tone at the end of the line, so I guess he'd hung up on me. But Link wouldn't go down without a fight…I wonder what he was planning. Probably not something good, so I decided to upload the videos to my laptop just in case.

I was right, because about 10 minutes later I heard my window rattling and a few muffled curses. I had to suppress a laugh. After a few minutes of this continuing, I strode over to the window and yanked it open. "Link, please tell me you don't really try to break into houses like that. You're like, the world's worst criminal." All I got was a glare.

"You know why I'm here, Ilia." He attempted in a menacing voice. It took all of my willpower not to burst out laughing.

"Yep. Here's your tapes." I handed over the offending objects with a slight shove, and Link wobbled precariously on my windowsill, barely catching his balance. Oops. He suspiciously glanced between the tapes and I.

"You're…giving them back? Without a fight? Nothing?" I put on my best poker face, and tried for a lie.

"Well, they were pretty hilarious and all, but I _really_ don't think they should be released to the public. It'd be mind-scarring." His eyes narrowed, but he brushed it off. Then something caught his eye.

"Wait…what is that?" I looked back to see my laptop open, one of the videos playing soundlessly. My eyes widened and I dashed for it at the same time as Link. I got it first and dodged around him to the bathroom, where I tightly shut and locked the door. I stood, breathing hard, as Link furiously pounded on my door. "Ilia! Ilia, give it back! C'mon, seriously!" He was angry at first, but then his voice took on a pleading tone. "Please? Please, please, please, please, please? Pretty please with a…steak on top?" Hmm…if he really gave me a steak, I might relinquish the videos… "Iliiiiiaaaa…I swear, I'll do anything. Laundry for a month? Done. Your chores for a year? Got it. Just do NOT send that video."

There was something so pathetic about how he was begging that made me feel sorry for him. Laundry for a month? Chores for a year? Was he insane? The videos weren't _that_ bad. I mean, yeah, they were embarrassing, but even so, I'd never do that much work. I cracked the door slightly, and there Link stood, eyes turned on in full puppy mode. Aww, come on. There was no way I could refuse him when he looked that adorable. "Alright…there. Deleted." I sighed as I watched the files disappear from the 'Trash' folder. No more blackmail… "Your fan girls are going to be really upset, you know that?"

"What they don't know, can't hurt them."

"Still…they probably sensed the potential view of a shirtless Link."

"Well, I guess they'll have to settle with jealously of you."

"Believe me, they have nothing to be jealous of."

"Are you implying that my upper body is anything less than perfect?"

"Yes, that would be the general idea."

"But…" Lost for words, Link stuck his tongue out at me. I performed the famous eye-roll.

"Loser."

"Hey, I'm more manly than you!"

"Um…yeah, I would hope so. That'd be pretty disturbing if you weren't."

"Then you're more of a loser than me."

"Link, the term 'Loser' does not indicate that a person is not manly. It indicates that you're a loser."

"You're really annoying, you know that?"

"And you're really stupid."

"Touché." We fell into a comfortable, but nonetheless odd, silence.

"Hey, Link?"

"Yeah?"

"You're _definitely_ not too sexy for your pants."


End file.
